I’m a systems librarian in an academic library. I moved over the Lemmy after Rexxit 2023. I’ve had an account on sdf.org since 2009 (under a different username), and so I chose this instance out of a sense of nostalgia. I do all sorts of fiber arts (knitting, cross stitch, sewing) and love dogs.

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 3rd, 2023

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  • I’m wicked sorry, I don’t have a good answer. You could try Mx and see how it feels. I’ve dropped sir/ma’am for folks that I know, or that appear my age or younger. I still use it for older folks I don’t know out in the wild.

    I, personally, never take offense at being misgendered in a Southern accent if I’m called “ma’am”. I grew up in the South and to me it just feels like someone’s trying their best to be polite and I take it as intended. Sometimes I also just misparse it as “man”, which feels a bit informal, but whatevs. Miss still feels creepy, but I get that less now that I’ve hit 30.

    If you’re working at a drive through where there’s a customer/service worker dynamic, I’d 1. go with ma’am or sir 2. accept it if someone corrects you, and 3. recognize you’re more likely to be yelled at by someone for using a ‘new-fangled honorific’ than for misgendering someone.

    Edit: Oh! I have replaced “Thank you sir/ma’am” with “Thank you, kindly” and that seems to work for me.



  • Seconding the honorific “Mx”. From what I’ve seen, it’s decently well-adopted in the non-binary community. I’ve not seen it much used outside of that community–it seems to be used mostly when someone ‘needs’ an honorific but doesn’t fit into the 1950s list. I’ve heard it pronounced “Mix” and “Mux”. I tend to go with “Mix”.

    IRL, I’ve used “Hey, you” and “Yo!” when hollering at folks I don’t know (example, “Yo! You dropped something!”)

    Sidenote: As a nonbinary person, I prefer not being given an honorific over being given the wrong one.

    Minirant not directed at OP: And omg, if you need to go with a feminine honorific and you don’t know whether the person is married, go with Ms, not Mrs. or Miss. The connotations of the wrong one are just creepy.
    Not married and called Mrs=“Hey, you’re too old to be unmarried. Please feel judged about your relationship status”
    Married and called Miss=“Hey, you’re too young to be married. Please feel like I don’t respect you as an adult.”
    In all cases Ms=“I don’t know and/or care about your marital status and I’m trying to be polite”