The first dentist I ever went to was great. He was good with kids and adults and did his job. He was realistic about kids being kids and gave us the tools and information to make sure our teeth were healthy. I had him all the way through my braces and into high school. He then retired.

My next dentist was a horrendous, preachy, asshole who loved to tell all of his patients what was wrong with them, make people feel bad for their decisions to drink soda, and surmised that we were all eating too much junk food (which he wouldn’t really elaborate on when asked). My diet wasn’t perfect, but I had mostly home cooked meals with steamed vegetables, along with the occasional fast food lunch with friends.

He was also Mormon and I know a lot of Mormons love to get on their high horse and take pleasure in being petty, insufferable, assholes. I haven’t read their batshit book (albeit, most in that genre are similarly zany and harebrained), but there must be some discussion on how to be a bad neighbor to everyone you meet in there based on their predilictions for unfair/unwarranted judgement and exclusion. He only hired other Mormon dentists to his practice and all the dental assistants were similarly preachy and religious.

I dreaded going to the dentist for mostly social reasons and didn’t want to be shamed by being told that I had better take care of my teeth (which were fine) because my parents had spent a lot of money on my braces (and it wasn’t that much money because the first dentist wasn’t a sneering profiteer).

I ditched that asshole once I went to college and have had a couple dentists since then who were fine, did their job and didn’t give me a bunch of flak for not flossing after every meal like a fucking psychopath.

Fundamentally, I think the issue with dentists is that when you get a bad one, they make you feel bad, which is the absolute antithesis of healthcare.

Additionally, because of the arbitrary and asinine distinction in the US between oral care and basically the rest of the body, dentistry is seen as cosmetic and unnecessary, often allowing or obligating dentists to charge an arm and a leg for most of their services. We all know how prices ratchet up from initial obligations to cover higher costs into “fuck the consumer, they were fine paying the higher prices anyway so let’s increase our profit margin”.

Compound that with the ridiculous price setting and insurance rackets baked into anything close to the health sector, and you have a lot of frustration even before patients get into the chair.

If you’re not a dentist who will practice compassionate care, at least be one who just shuts the fuck up and does their job. Of course let the patient know what’s going on in their mouth and how they can better take care of themselves or treat something they’re dealing with, but chill the fuck out with the fire and brimstone shit about missing a cleaning or not flossing all the time.

Healthcare is all about bedside manner. If you don’t have it, you’re not a good provider and your business can and should suffer (the fact that our healthcare structures are businesses and profit motivated is fundamentally opposed to effective care, anyway, but that’s the subject of another essay).

Edit: Cleaned it up a bit and added that my first dentist retired.