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Cake day: June 24th, 2023

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  • my husband and I both have ADHD. typically, we fight, I’m over it pretty quickly, he needs until he can sleep to get over it, but I think this is because we usually fight “My way.” I need us to talk it out and dissect what’s actually the root of the issue (usually past hurt, ongoing pattern, or misunderstanding at the onset of the fight). Once the issue is dissected and we commit to a resolution, or even just commit to acknowledging the issue and working on it, I feel loads better. If our flight is interrupted or he gets his way (ignoring the root cause, taking a short break from each other for a walk) then I’m simmering for ages and not that interested in being friendly again whereas he is back to normal.

    Are you better at arguing? Do you typically “win” the argument? Or do arguments usually go along your ideas of how a fight should be structured? This may have something to do with it.

    I second the above recommendation for the Nonviolent Communication book. It’s a short little read / work book and it can get you both using the same language, as well as kind of force you to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs.




  • This is a thoughtless take. Do you know how hard it is to do things randomly? It takes way more work than doing things for a reason. Just because you don’t know the reason, you assume it’s arbitrary? That kind of thinking is why simple rules and instructions don’t get followed mucking up entire systems.

    From another comment on this thread:

    “I think it goes back to Fannie Farmer in 1896, who wrote the first major and comprehensive cookbook in English that used any kind of standard measurements. European cookbooks mostly used vague instructions without any standardized weights or numbers before that. At this point in the industrialized world standardized cup measures were relatively cheap and available. Scales were relatively bulky, expensive, and inaccurate in 1896. So the whole tradition got started, and most of the major cookbooks owed something to Fannie Farmer. Cookbooks that used standardized weights probably got started in other countries much later, when scales were becoming commonplace.”




  • And I have literally never heard a girl in real life say she wouldn’t date a guy if he’s not above 6 ft. I see guys say it about women, but none of the women I know actually care about height. I have heard women say they’d prefer if their partner is taller than them, but even this is a preference, not a deal breaker. If you’ve actually heard the height thing from real women in your life, you just need to start hanging out with different women because that’s a shallow requirement.




  • I always thought it was purely social conditioning, but I’ve got a theory that just popped in my head. I wonder if women need to be more vocal to communicate “Yes that’s good, keep doing that”? Like frankly my partner is often in charge of pace, depth, and even calling for position changes. I’m letting him know with my noises how good something is for me, If you should keep doing it, or if I get quiet he knows to try something different. I don’t mind him being quiet at all, until I’m on top and then I’m like I literally cannot tell if this is good for you. I have to ask out loud “is that good?” And then change something, “is that good?” After a blow-job I have to ask him, what parts did you like more than the other parts? Obviously I can tell he’s into it overall, but It’s really hard to know if a rhythm or amount of pressure is better than another if moaning doesn’t increase when you try something. Like he can absolutely tell when he hits a good spot when fingering me because my moans make it very obvious. I will straight say, “yes,” “please,” “right there,” “don’t move.” All kinds of stuff. It’s not just about making it hotter for the other person, it’s about communicating how good something is for you so they don’t have to do as much guessing