Posting from a throwaway because this is something that embarasses me a lot. I’m an artist who posts fanart on social media but as much as I remind myself that fanart is just for fun, I should just enjoy myself and not worry about engagement, I can’t get myself out of the competitive headspace against other artists who create content for the same media. I find myself getting angry at more popular artists who only do lazy doodles, yet they get showered with likes and adoring comments. It makes me feel like I have to strategize posting times, engage with popular accounts so that they will promote my work, draw what the fandom likes to see and not what I want to draw. I become a lot more negative and stressed out when I actively use social media, but without social media engagement I feel less motivation to make art. I have no economic incentive to become a popular artist, my career is unrelated to art, but the compulsion is there anyway.
I started to overthink online interactions because of my competitiveness. It makes me insecure when I see cliques of popular creators who are friends with each other and share/praise only each other’s work. When I reach out to them, just to get to know them and not for self-promotion, they don’t respond and keep talking to their clique. I know that they simply don’t have anything to say but it feels like they are deliberately ignoring everybody who isn’t a part of their clique. I know about extensions that hide the numbers but I care more about the absence comments and interactions compared to the popular creators. How do I get less competitive about this?
Oh no, you’re a human being reacting positively to positive reinforcements.
Mate, this is how social media is supposed to work. You’re being gamed at a deeply instinctual level. The only way to win is not to play. On that note: I should log off. Bye.
Narrator: They did not log off
*sigh* you got me…
I’m not saying you should do this but it would have been really funny if you just deleted your account lol
That would indeed have been a power move. But let’s be real: I’m as addicted to this stuff as the next one. It helps to know how it works to keep it in check.
The Internet is fun!
I did that when I left Reddit. In a thread with lots of people doing the same.
It’s an empty feeling as you have no idea how many people saw that comment, not that it matters but damn social media hacked my brain.
This is one of those things that, once you’re aware of the effect, you can make more-conscious choices about. It doesn’t make you immune from the effects, but perhaps you can notice them more easily and process them sooner. This might be a way to practise not comparing yourself to others, which I consider a skill for everyone to cultivate.
If it seems like you never progress and you just keep chasing engagement, then get out and walk in nature more, if that option is available to you. Building a habit like that might provide you with the attention capacity you need to let the social media stuff in without it consuming you.
I still chase engagement, but not nearly as much as I did three years ago. It takes time, but it can change.
Even so, remember that you want to be accepted and loved. That seems unlikely ever to change. Maybe you can find that sense of belonging somewhere else.
Good luck.